I thought it would be easier now

After we had to tell a young man his mom was dead, I thought it would be easier.  It's isn't.

Today, this poor boy found out his birth father was on the way to see him and his grandparents told him he couldn't come.  In their defense, it is court ordered that the birth father has to set up visitation at Children and Youth and the father came on the weekend.  The young man was so upset.  He, of course, blamed his grandparents.   Called them idiots.  Told me he wanted to run away and never come back.

My husband and I tried to reason with him.  We tried to tell him things were different now.  The rules had changed.  He was going to have to learn how to deal with things the way they are now.  He was so upset that he couldn't see his birth father.  He doesn't understand.  He thinks his grandparents are doing it to hurt him.  To keep him from having his father in his life.

The conversation we were having was difficult, but nothing compared to the next questions this trouble, hurt boy asked us.  He wanted to know if he could come live with us and bring his little sister.  How do you tell a child in so much pain that he can't come to your house to live.  We love him and he is always welcome in our home anythime, but we know that he is ok where he is at and no one will let him move in with us.  There is no reason to take him out of his grandparents home and put them with us.

Again, we didn't think things could be more difficult.  But it did.  His mother's funeral is next week and my husband will be officiating,  The child asked if his mother's casket would be open.  We told him no.  Then had to explain that she had laid in the woods for too long to have an open casket.  I do believe the family is having her cremated.  He broke down then.  His exact comment to us was " I just want to see my Mom one more time."  My heart shattered in a thousand pieces for this broken and lost boy.  All he wants in the entire world is to see his Mom one more time.  He doesn't care about all the other things in life.  All those things that used to be so important to him.  Video systems, bikes, hanging with friends.  Just to hear his Mom laugh one more time.  To give him a final hug.  I imagine just to have the chance to say goodbye to her.

As I sat on the porch holding him and sobbing, I could not for the life of me figure out what to say.  How do I explain to him he won't see his mother again.  Then my eyes opened,  I told him, you will see her again.  I pray for this child each and every day.  Now added to my prayer will be a prayer for him to know the Lord.  Then he will understand he will have a chance to see his mother again.

But for today, I told him you will see her again.  I asked him his favorite thing about his Mom.  He said her laugh.  I told him how beautiful she was.  I told him to remember those things about her.  I told him he didn't want seeing her dead to be the clearest memory he had of his mother.  I hope he understood.  I really do.  I don't want him to be any more lost that he already is.  I don't think he can take any more.  I think it would completely destroy him.

As I drove to the store this evening, a song came on the radio.  I was so overwhelmed by the words of this song and how much they were fitting what I was feeling that I broke down and cried.  I sobbed.  I am so blessed to have a God who loves me so much.  Who makes sure I will never go through anything alone.  I know he will help me through anything.  I know he will protect me.  My prayer for the lost child in my life is that some day, he knows his God can do all these things for him too.  All he has to do is ask.