I am sitting in my living room wishing I had enough sleep, watching for my daughter to sit up so she can throw up again. I am wishing my plans for the day were not changed. I am thinking, "well, I can get the house cleaned now".
It is amazing to me how in an instant, at 4 am your day can change. I am remembering so many times that my life has changed just as quickly. I will say the first was the day I married my husband of 21 years. Some days I was not sure if it was changed for the better or worse, but it was changed. I no longer took care of just me. We were a team. Everything I did affected him and vice versa. We did not always consider that when we made our decisions, and that was when things went from good to bad. So many times I have seen couples fall apart because one of them thought only of themselves first. I have seen one or both of them long for a better marriage and not have that wish come true. I have even felt that myself in small doses sometimes. Understanding that you are married now and one, not two people in many ways is a very hard concept to grasp. To think of your spouse first before anything is extremely hard. You were on your own, making all decisions base solely on yourself and how if affect you. Now you MUST consider the other person in your life. Huge adjustments must be made on both sides.
Onto the second most life changing event in my (our) lives. My pregnancy with our son Jimmy. We were elated and terrified at the same time. We had had so many problems having children up to this point. I had 2 tubal pregnancies, one requiring the removal of one of my Fallopian tubes So when we discovered that we were pregnant with Jimmy and that the pregnancy was going well, we were so overjoyed. The life change was evident in my rounded belly, the kicks, and tiredness I felt. Then another life changing event happened. Jimmy died in-utero. He had tied his cord in a knot. We went to the doctor because I just felt like something was not right. When the doctor told me he was dead, my life ended. In one second the joy was gone. For many years we were not happy with anything. Our jobs, our marriage, our lives. We thought it was done.
At this point in the blog I must admit to one of my "bad mother" moments. When I originally started writing this blog, I made it about half way through the first paragraph when I was interrupted by one of my life changes and did not get back to the writing for about three hours. I also did not preview prior to posting. So when I received a call from our oldest daughter, I had to apologize for skipping over her in this blog. So here is my edit. About one year after we were married about a year, an acquaintance of ours was having extreme difficulty raising her daughter. She was nine,almost ten at the time. This young girl was difficult, challenging, and to say the least, stubborn . The mother was concerned that Children and Youth was going to step in. My husband and I agreed to take care of her and received custody. Congratulations! You are the proud new parents of a nine year old BRAT! (We love you Jennifer) Almost immediately Jennifer started to challenge us at every turn. If she was told to do her homework, she would goof off. If she was told to go outside, she would sit on the porch and pout. As I look back now, I understand why she behaved that way, but at the time I was a newly married 25 year old raising a tough 10 year old. I had absolutely NO parenting experience. We were flying blind. What a fabulous young lady she has turned out to be. She is one of the most caring individuals I have ever met. If I am sick or hurt, I would rather have her than my mother to care for me. If you ask her to do something for you, she will do everything she can to do it. I am proud almost 20 years later that she calls me MOM and I can call her my daughter. Again I will apologize to her for being so distracted by my little "life changer" and skipping so far ahead in my story. She is a blessing to her father and I.
Now for the next life changing event. We got pregnant with our son Gabriel. As you would expect, terror was an everyday emotion. We were so scared that Gabe would not make it. If he didn't move often enough, I would poke him until he got annoyed with me and would kick me back. I needed the reassurance. Wel almost fourteen years later he is taller than me and mouthy as any 13 year old boy can be, but I absolutely adore him and the young man he has become.
So many life changing events. Onto Rebekah. She was one of the biggest life changing events. I was 40 years old when I discovered I was pregnant. Quite the surprise as I thought my iron levels were just low. Can you imagine our disbelief and excitement. Even a little fear in there. Let's face it, I was no spring chicken. Nine months later, our sweet baby girl was born. How life changing is that? My friends were having grandchildren, and I was having another baby! God's work is amazing. Our lives were overflowing with great things. We love our jobs, are financial stable, if irresponsible, have two beautiful children. Who could ask for more?
Well, lo and behold, here comes another huge change. God called my husband into ministry. I, frankly, threw a huge fit. Not because he wanted to be a pastor, but because I did not think he had any clue what toll it takes on the entire family. We would have to uproot our children from the only home they knew. We may have to move far away from our families. Would I have to quit the best job I ever had to travel with him? We did have to move, I didn't have to quit my job, and we have moved to a wonderful neighborhood in which to raise our children. Wow! Could our lives be blessed any more? The answer...YES!
We are now the proud parents of three (yes, count them) three foster children. What an adjustment that was. Going from 2 children to five! Chaos ensued. Dishes and laundry abounded. Then we figured it out. We made a plan. We involved everyone in the house in the daily chores. Whew. We could relax a little. Well, not much, we do have five active children. But what a blessing given to us by God. To watch not only our own children grow and develop, but to watch these troubled children grow and flourish in a stable home is such a joy. To see them do something normal and make friends and enjoy sports is something that can't really be described.
So, God has blessed us with so many things. Even the joy of having our son Jimmy, even if for such a short time is a blessing. To know that He has a plan for us and He will be with us through everything good and bad makes everything we do so amazing. Remembering His love for us helps us through these life changing events. When God enters your life, He changes it. It may not seem like the events are for the better, but they always are. They are always for His glory. They are always the best for you. Your Father will always love you and always care for you. So, when those life changing events scare you to death, pray. Lift up your fears to Him. and then accept the change He has given you with every bit of faith you have. You just never know where it will lead you
