Today is the day so many people in our town have been dreading. The day we lay Kelley Snyder's earthly body to rest. So many people searched for this well loved woman only to find her gone to this world. So many people are grieving and filled with sorrow.
Today is her funeral service and I anticipate this to be a very well attended service. I imagine people from all over traveling here to remember her life and grieve their loss. I have heard so many stories about Kelley's life over the past few weeks. Stories of her giving heart and her loving nature. I wish I would have gotten to know her better when she was still here on earth with us. I spent a little time with her while our sons spent time together, but not enough. I feel like I have missed out. I think I would have genuinely enjoyed her company.
As we all get ready for one of the hardest moments, I hope we all remember all the fun things about Kelley. I hope we remember all the loving and giving things she did for the people in her life. I hope we all try to pattern this part of our lives after her. We all could use a little more compassion and giving in our lives. When we see that person that needs a helping hand, remember what Kelley would have done. And then do it. If someone needs groceries, see that they get them. If someone needs clothes, clean out your closet or go to the store and buy some. If there is a charity event, donate what you can. Be it a prize, money or just your time.
In the days that follow our goodbye to this wonderful mother, I want all of you to remember this one thing that Kelley did best of all. Love. Love your children with every ounce of your being. Dedicate yourself to their happiness and well being. Put them first in all things. Raise them to be the best people they can be. Never let them doubt your love for them. As we are all so aware, life is fleeting. We do not know God's plan for us. We do not know when He will call us home. Make the most of every second on this earth He has blessed us with. Never let any one in your life wonder if you loved them. This is where the joy come in. Every time one of you does something for someone else in honor of Kelley, or remembers that your child needs you her life meant something wonderful. She touched each and everyone of you in some way. There is the joy. Take that joy with you today as your leave the grave side, and know she is not there. She has left this earth for someplace better and has left behind a legacy is all of you.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Saturday, April 18, 2015
I thought it would be easier now
After we had to tell a young man his mom was dead, I thought it would be easier. It's isn't.
Today, this poor boy found out his birth father was on the way to see him and his grandparents told him he couldn't come. In their defense, it is court ordered that the birth father has to set up visitation at Children and Youth and the father came on the weekend. The young man was so upset. He, of course, blamed his grandparents. Called them idiots. Told me he wanted to run away and never come back.
My husband and I tried to reason with him. We tried to tell him things were different now. The rules had changed. He was going to have to learn how to deal with things the way they are now. He was so upset that he couldn't see his birth father. He doesn't understand. He thinks his grandparents are doing it to hurt him. To keep him from having his father in his life.
The conversation we were having was difficult, but nothing compared to the next questions this trouble, hurt boy asked us. He wanted to know if he could come live with us and bring his little sister. How do you tell a child in so much pain that he can't come to your house to live. We love him and he is always welcome in our home anythime, but we know that he is ok where he is at and no one will let him move in with us. There is no reason to take him out of his grandparents home and put them with us.
Again, we didn't think things could be more difficult. But it did. His mother's funeral is next week and my husband will be officiating, The child asked if his mother's casket would be open. We told him no. Then had to explain that she had laid in the woods for too long to have an open casket. I do believe the family is having her cremated. He broke down then. His exact comment to us was " I just want to see my Mom one more time." My heart shattered in a thousand pieces for this broken and lost boy. All he wants in the entire world is to see his Mom one more time. He doesn't care about all the other things in life. All those things that used to be so important to him. Video systems, bikes, hanging with friends. Just to hear his Mom laugh one more time. To give him a final hug. I imagine just to have the chance to say goodbye to her.
As I sat on the porch holding him and sobbing, I could not for the life of me figure out what to say. How do I explain to him he won't see his mother again. Then my eyes opened, I told him, you will see her again. I pray for this child each and every day. Now added to my prayer will be a prayer for him to know the Lord. Then he will understand he will have a chance to see his mother again.
But for today, I told him you will see her again. I asked him his favorite thing about his Mom. He said her laugh. I told him how beautiful she was. I told him to remember those things about her. I told him he didn't want seeing her dead to be the clearest memory he had of his mother. I hope he understood. I really do. I don't want him to be any more lost that he already is. I don't think he can take any more. I think it would completely destroy him.
As I drove to the store this evening, a song came on the radio. I was so overwhelmed by the words of this song and how much they were fitting what I was feeling that I broke down and cried. I sobbed. I am so blessed to have a God who loves me so much. Who makes sure I will never go through anything alone. I know he will help me through anything. I know he will protect me. My prayer for the lost child in my life is that some day, he knows his God can do all these things for him too. All he has to do is ask.
Today, this poor boy found out his birth father was on the way to see him and his grandparents told him he couldn't come. In their defense, it is court ordered that the birth father has to set up visitation at Children and Youth and the father came on the weekend. The young man was so upset. He, of course, blamed his grandparents. Called them idiots. Told me he wanted to run away and never come back.
My husband and I tried to reason with him. We tried to tell him things were different now. The rules had changed. He was going to have to learn how to deal with things the way they are now. He was so upset that he couldn't see his birth father. He doesn't understand. He thinks his grandparents are doing it to hurt him. To keep him from having his father in his life.
The conversation we were having was difficult, but nothing compared to the next questions this trouble, hurt boy asked us. He wanted to know if he could come live with us and bring his little sister. How do you tell a child in so much pain that he can't come to your house to live. We love him and he is always welcome in our home anythime, but we know that he is ok where he is at and no one will let him move in with us. There is no reason to take him out of his grandparents home and put them with us.
Again, we didn't think things could be more difficult. But it did. His mother's funeral is next week and my husband will be officiating, The child asked if his mother's casket would be open. We told him no. Then had to explain that she had laid in the woods for too long to have an open casket. I do believe the family is having her cremated. He broke down then. His exact comment to us was " I just want to see my Mom one more time." My heart shattered in a thousand pieces for this broken and lost boy. All he wants in the entire world is to see his Mom one more time. He doesn't care about all the other things in life. All those things that used to be so important to him. Video systems, bikes, hanging with friends. Just to hear his Mom laugh one more time. To give him a final hug. I imagine just to have the chance to say goodbye to her.
As I sat on the porch holding him and sobbing, I could not for the life of me figure out what to say. How do I explain to him he won't see his mother again. Then my eyes opened, I told him, you will see her again. I pray for this child each and every day. Now added to my prayer will be a prayer for him to know the Lord. Then he will understand he will have a chance to see his mother again.
But for today, I told him you will see her again. I asked him his favorite thing about his Mom. He said her laugh. I told him how beautiful she was. I told him to remember those things about her. I told him he didn't want seeing her dead to be the clearest memory he had of his mother. I hope he understood. I really do. I don't want him to be any more lost that he already is. I don't think he can take any more. I think it would completely destroy him.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
My heart is aching
How do you comfort a boy who has lost his mother?
I am so lost a sea as to what to say or do for this poor young man. He is hurting more than anyone ever should have to. Tonight I sat in my favorite chair with my daughter in my lap and watched a movie. She threw a little fit once and I didn't even get frustrated with her. I can't. She has her mom today. She has her dad today. Her family is complete.
So again I ask, what do you say to a boy whose mother was taken from him far too soon? Not only that, but was taken violently by his father. He posted today about someone saying something bad about his mom. His anger showed through every word, His post said "All I want is to hear my mom yell at me for something." Tears filled my eyes as I read this.
Somewhere in my heart is the right thing to say or do, but I can find it. My hear breaks every time I try to say anything.
He will never get to tell her he found the woman he wants to marry, or smile at her when he graduates from high school. He won't get to call her when he is in college because he misses her. He won't get to make her cry when her hands his first born child to her. How do you make this boy feel better? How do you explain to him the world is not a horrible place and that there is still hope?
I know God. I know that life eternal waits. Does he? Can I make him understand it is not all hopeless? Can I ask him to forgive his father so he doesn't hold hate in his heart his whole life? Can I make him see he will need to forgive him someday? What about his little sister. She is too little to understand now, but who will explain it later to her? Can I make this young man understand that he will probably be the one she looks to for answers when she figures out her mommy is not coming home and neither is her daddy? Can I make him understand he needs to keep the anger and hatred he feels away from her? Will he see that she needs to live her life without that burden on her heart? And if I make him understand it for his sister, will he understand he need to keep that blackness from his heart too?
Lord I pray for guidance today as I have never prayed before. Help me to see the right way to help this beautiful child you created. Help me to lift him up when he needs it. Help his grandparents to see what he needs now. Help them to heal from this tragedy. Help this precious children to let go of the hate and anger and find forgiveness one day. Help them discover You and the joy of eternity.
I am so lost a sea as to what to say or do for this poor young man. He is hurting more than anyone ever should have to. Tonight I sat in my favorite chair with my daughter in my lap and watched a movie. She threw a little fit once and I didn't even get frustrated with her. I can't. She has her mom today. She has her dad today. Her family is complete.
So again I ask, what do you say to a boy whose mother was taken from him far too soon? Not only that, but was taken violently by his father. He posted today about someone saying something bad about his mom. His anger showed through every word, His post said "All I want is to hear my mom yell at me for something." Tears filled my eyes as I read this.
Somewhere in my heart is the right thing to say or do, but I can find it. My hear breaks every time I try to say anything.
He will never get to tell her he found the woman he wants to marry, or smile at her when he graduates from high school. He won't get to call her when he is in college because he misses her. He won't get to make her cry when her hands his first born child to her. How do you make this boy feel better? How do you explain to him the world is not a horrible place and that there is still hope?
I know God. I know that life eternal waits. Does he? Can I make him understand it is not all hopeless? Can I ask him to forgive his father so he doesn't hold hate in his heart his whole life? Can I make him see he will need to forgive him someday? What about his little sister. She is too little to understand now, but who will explain it later to her? Can I make this young man understand that he will probably be the one she looks to for answers when she figures out her mommy is not coming home and neither is her daddy? Can I make him understand he needs to keep the anger and hatred he feels away from her? Will he see that she needs to live her life without that burden on her heart? And if I make him understand it for his sister, will he understand he need to keep that blackness from his heart too?
Lord I pray for guidance today as I have never prayed before. Help me to see the right way to help this beautiful child you created. Help me to lift him up when he needs it. Help his grandparents to see what he needs now. Help them to heal from this tragedy. Help this precious children to let go of the hate and anger and find forgiveness one day. Help them discover You and the joy of eternity.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Will you?
My husband is having a very difficult week. He has been struggling with the fact that the church has become very closed. He feels like the church is not doing it's job anymore. For his next service he has chosen the song The Summons as the song to sing that day. I have to say, I think this will be my favorite hymn from now on. If you take the song apart line by line and verse by verse, you will see the beauty in it so clearly. Each part of the song has a question and an answer in it. Will you let my love be grown in you and you in me? Will you go where no one dares and never be the same? Each of these lines is so full of meaning and understanding. So many times as a Christian we feel we can just go to church and say a prayer and dinner and call it good. We feel we have "done our share". That God just expects us to show up on Sunday and do our duty and we don't have to do anything else.
Where are we as Christians when a child is going hungry or being abused? How about the elderly woman who has no family and is dying? Will we help that person no one else wants to help because he isn't the right "type".? When do we think it is time to stand up and start our walk outside of the four walls of our church? At what point do we feel the need to stop containing our joy inside the church?
I have been guilty of certain things as a Christian myself. I have ignored things I knew I needed to do. I didn't read my Bible as much as I should. I would start out so strong and fade within a few days. So many things interrupt. There is laundry to be done and kids to be fed. All of these things interrupt my good intentions. Actually, I was not dedicated to it. I use all those things as an excuse for why I wasn't reading my Bible as much as I should
What excuses do you have? Why are you not doing the work of Christ? Is it you are tired after a long day at work? Is it that you are unsure of what people will think? Are you afraid that people won't like you any more? Do you worry that you won't have enough time for yourself? Are you worried people you know will stop talking to you if you talk about Jesus?
Let's talk about Jesus. Jesus never offered an excuse for the way he behaved. He always said in each and everey circumstance, I am doing God's work. He never said, my feet hurt, let's call it quits. Not too many people thought Jesus was normal. Who would? You are who? The Son of God? Oh Martha he is a nut case. People did not like Jesus. In fact they were afraid of what he had to say. They wanted him gone. In fact, they made sure it happened. Jesus was with 12 people almost all the time. If I had 12 people with me all the time I would go completely crazy. I have enough problems with 6 people. Peter denied Jesus three times. Judas betrayed him. The disciples scattered to the four winds.
I think we really don't have much to be afraid of. If people stop talking to us someone else will. If your feet hurt, get in your car and drive. I am pretty sure no one is going to try to crucify you if you talk about Jesus. They may try to get you to put your nativity scene away at Christmas, but Hey we live in a free country and you will be allowed to keep it up.
I don't know about you, but my tiny excuses seem pretty lame. How about yours? So what are we waiting for.? Why are we still sitting in the front row to the left of the choir every Sunday? Why haven't we shown up for the community events that support people. Why haven't we spent our time in the soup kitchens, homeless shelters, hospitals, hospice centers. Why have we not stopped making all those excuses we make for our poor showing. Why have we not done what needs to be done? Why have we not shined the light of God in every corner of our world?
Where are we as Christians when a child is going hungry or being abused? How about the elderly woman who has no family and is dying? Will we help that person no one else wants to help because he isn't the right "type".? When do we think it is time to stand up and start our walk outside of the four walls of our church? At what point do we feel the need to stop containing our joy inside the church?
I have been guilty of certain things as a Christian myself. I have ignored things I knew I needed to do. I didn't read my Bible as much as I should. I would start out so strong and fade within a few days. So many things interrupt. There is laundry to be done and kids to be fed. All of these things interrupt my good intentions. Actually, I was not dedicated to it. I use all those things as an excuse for why I wasn't reading my Bible as much as I should
What excuses do you have? Why are you not doing the work of Christ? Is it you are tired after a long day at work? Is it that you are unsure of what people will think? Are you afraid that people won't like you any more? Do you worry that you won't have enough time for yourself? Are you worried people you know will stop talking to you if you talk about Jesus?
Let's talk about Jesus. Jesus never offered an excuse for the way he behaved. He always said in each and everey circumstance, I am doing God's work. He never said, my feet hurt, let's call it quits. Not too many people thought Jesus was normal. Who would? You are who? The Son of God? Oh Martha he is a nut case. People did not like Jesus. In fact they were afraid of what he had to say. They wanted him gone. In fact, they made sure it happened. Jesus was with 12 people almost all the time. If I had 12 people with me all the time I would go completely crazy. I have enough problems with 6 people. Peter denied Jesus three times. Judas betrayed him. The disciples scattered to the four winds.
I think we really don't have much to be afraid of. If people stop talking to us someone else will. If your feet hurt, get in your car and drive. I am pretty sure no one is going to try to crucify you if you talk about Jesus. They may try to get you to put your nativity scene away at Christmas, but Hey we live in a free country and you will be allowed to keep it up.
I don't know about you, but my tiny excuses seem pretty lame. How about yours? So what are we waiting for.? Why are we still sitting in the front row to the left of the choir every Sunday? Why haven't we shown up for the community events that support people. Why haven't we spent our time in the soup kitchens, homeless shelters, hospitals, hospice centers. Why have we not stopped making all those excuses we make for our poor showing. Why have we not done what needs to be done? Why have we not shined the light of God in every corner of our world?
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
There is no God?
Last night I had the opportunity to speak to a grieving father. He is so lost and sad over the death of his daughter. She was taken from her family too soon. Every person involved feels lost and confused. As I was listening to him, I could feel his pain. I could see it. I had no idea how to ease it. I don't think in moments like this it can or should be.
I think when a person experiences a loss like this they need to go through the stages of grief. The pain is the largest part. Then acceptance is the next step, I think. To have to accept the death of a loved one is difficult, but to accept the death of a child is that much more. Experiencing the total loss like this is the most devastating thing to a parent. No matter what age the child is, it completely tears you apart. Your enter is ripped out and emptied. Breathing is difficult and most times you must remind yourself you need to. You question your very existence. You want to know how God could take such a young life. You even ask why God has done this to you.
As I listened to this man last night, I was remembering the loss of my child. It is a completely different story for me. My child died while still in the womb. I was six months pregnant. I had longed for this child for so long and my husband and I were absolutely thrilled and excited. We had such a hard time having a child. We had so many tragedies before this pregnancy. It seemed like our prayers were being answered. Then the day cam when the doctor told me he was gone. My heart stopped. My breathing stopped. I wonder if it is like this for all parents who lose a child. I imaging it is. Your whole world stops. How can it go on?
When this father was leaving I told him I would continue to pray for him. He looked at me and said "There is no God", My heart broke for him all over again. I said "yes there is". He wanted to to explain how I thought there was a God. Tears came to my eyes. My instant reply was "What is the alternative?" He asked me why God let Lucifer have control over things. If this all knowing God could look into the future and see what was to come, why did He allow Satan to live. He never let me finish my explanation. He walked away from me and wouldn't let me continue. If he would have allowed me to continue I would have told him God doesn't allow Satan to live. We do. We allow him to control our lives each time we don't follow God's command. God gave each and every one of us free will. It is OUR choice to follow to not. It is our choice to love God or not. Only we can make these decisions. As a parent, I want my children to love me. But I want them to love me becusae they want to. Not because I made them love me.
I think if he would have let me explain I would have had a hard time convincing him that God is real. God's plan is so much bigger than we can ever imagine. We see such a small picture of what he has in store for us. Even in such times of heartache and tragedy, God has such a beautiful plan for us. He love each and every one of us with His entire being. We are His children. He wants us to love Him for Him. These kinds of deaths make no sense to us. Believe me when I say that the death of your loved one does have a purpose. The same way their life had a purpose. If it didn't have a purpose, what then? What is the meaning of their existence? In this case, the meaning of her existence in part was to bring these beautiful babies into this world. They have a grand purpose too. What will they become? What things will they accomplish? Maye, just maybe, they will change the world. Is this a part of God' plan? Yes. Absolutely. Do we understand? No. Absolutely not. Will we understand later? Yes. When we meet Him in glory.
I think when a person experiences a loss like this they need to go through the stages of grief. The pain is the largest part. Then acceptance is the next step, I think. To have to accept the death of a loved one is difficult, but to accept the death of a child is that much more. Experiencing the total loss like this is the most devastating thing to a parent. No matter what age the child is, it completely tears you apart. Your enter is ripped out and emptied. Breathing is difficult and most times you must remind yourself you need to. You question your very existence. You want to know how God could take such a young life. You even ask why God has done this to you.
As I listened to this man last night, I was remembering the loss of my child. It is a completely different story for me. My child died while still in the womb. I was six months pregnant. I had longed for this child for so long and my husband and I were absolutely thrilled and excited. We had such a hard time having a child. We had so many tragedies before this pregnancy. It seemed like our prayers were being answered. Then the day cam when the doctor told me he was gone. My heart stopped. My breathing stopped. I wonder if it is like this for all parents who lose a child. I imaging it is. Your whole world stops. How can it go on?
When this father was leaving I told him I would continue to pray for him. He looked at me and said "There is no God", My heart broke for him all over again. I said "yes there is". He wanted to to explain how I thought there was a God. Tears came to my eyes. My instant reply was "What is the alternative?" He asked me why God let Lucifer have control over things. If this all knowing God could look into the future and see what was to come, why did He allow Satan to live. He never let me finish my explanation. He walked away from me and wouldn't let me continue. If he would have allowed me to continue I would have told him God doesn't allow Satan to live. We do. We allow him to control our lives each time we don't follow God's command. God gave each and every one of us free will. It is OUR choice to follow to not. It is our choice to love God or not. Only we can make these decisions. As a parent, I want my children to love me. But I want them to love me becusae they want to. Not because I made them love me.
I think if he would have let me explain I would have had a hard time convincing him that God is real. God's plan is so much bigger than we can ever imagine. We see such a small picture of what he has in store for us. Even in such times of heartache and tragedy, God has such a beautiful plan for us. He love each and every one of us with His entire being. We are His children. He wants us to love Him for Him. These kinds of deaths make no sense to us. Believe me when I say that the death of your loved one does have a purpose. The same way their life had a purpose. If it didn't have a purpose, what then? What is the meaning of their existence? In this case, the meaning of her existence in part was to bring these beautiful babies into this world. They have a grand purpose too. What will they become? What things will they accomplish? Maye, just maybe, they will change the world. Is this a part of God' plan? Yes. Absolutely. Do we understand? No. Absolutely not. Will we understand later? Yes. When we meet Him in glory.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
When it hits too close to home
As almost everyone I know is aware, a local woman has gone missing. She disappeared Easter day while walking to the store just a few blocks from her home. It has been almost 5 days. Not too many leads have surfaced. The family is devastated, especially her children.
I will tell you what has surfaced. Anger, rumor, suspicion, and gossip. All of these things are so hurtful. Both to the family and the the investigation. It always amazes me that when problems occur, some people tend to exacerbate the problem. The get almost a "five minutes of fame" syndrome that causes them to start rumors and speculate about what has happened. In almost every circumstance, it just makes things so much more difficult.
But...I will tell you that the most beautiful things are also happening. Love, support, faith, prayer. Our little community has pulled together for these past 5 days and searched day and night for this lost woman. They have put their lives on hold to help someone in the community come home. They have prayed, together and separately. They have hung signs, fed the volunteers, lifted up the family in their time of worry.
As I was speaking to my husband last night when he got home from the prayer vigil, I told him I was so scared. We hear about people disappearing all the time in other towns. We hear about murders in other places. We hear about kidnappings in other towns. Never ours. It never affects our family or our neighbors families. When it hits close to home, it scares us. It reminds us that our family can be affected by these kinds of horrible events. It reminds us that our lives can be changed in a second by one incident. It reminds us that in a two block walk to the store our entire world can be turned upside down.
While I am sitting here at the counter typing this I am terrified. For myself, my children, my husband, my mother and father, but especially for the family that has already been so tragically affected by this event. I continue to pray for this wonderful wife and mother to return home safe. I will continue to pray for the volunteers and the police who continue today to search for her. I will continue to pray to my God for safety to all involved and affected by this horrible thing. I will pray that in His mighty wisdom, He brings her home to her family. Please pray with me for Kelley today and everyday until she is returned home.
I will tell you what has surfaced. Anger, rumor, suspicion, and gossip. All of these things are so hurtful. Both to the family and the the investigation. It always amazes me that when problems occur, some people tend to exacerbate the problem. The get almost a "five minutes of fame" syndrome that causes them to start rumors and speculate about what has happened. In almost every circumstance, it just makes things so much more difficult.
But...I will tell you that the most beautiful things are also happening. Love, support, faith, prayer. Our little community has pulled together for these past 5 days and searched day and night for this lost woman. They have put their lives on hold to help someone in the community come home. They have prayed, together and separately. They have hung signs, fed the volunteers, lifted up the family in their time of worry.
As I was speaking to my husband last night when he got home from the prayer vigil, I told him I was so scared. We hear about people disappearing all the time in other towns. We hear about murders in other places. We hear about kidnappings in other towns. Never ours. It never affects our family or our neighbors families. When it hits close to home, it scares us. It reminds us that our family can be affected by these kinds of horrible events. It reminds us that our lives can be changed in a second by one incident. It reminds us that in a two block walk to the store our entire world can be turned upside down.
While I am sitting here at the counter typing this I am terrified. For myself, my children, my husband, my mother and father, but especially for the family that has already been so tragically affected by this event. I continue to pray for this wonderful wife and mother to return home safe. I will continue to pray for the volunteers and the police who continue today to search for her. I will continue to pray to my God for safety to all involved and affected by this horrible thing. I will pray that in His mighty wisdom, He brings her home to her family. Please pray with me for Kelley today and everyday until she is returned home.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
How to go from calm to meltdown in 20 seconds or less
I had a melt down again today. There it is out in the open. You all know it's true. I have melt downs often. What I don't understand is why they always have to be about the most insignificant thing. Today it was over a laundry basket in the wrong place.
Why is it that the smallest of things can set us off? Why do those tiny little things make us feel so out of control? I don't think I completely understood this about myself until today. Well, I probably don't understand it all, but most. Lately I have been feeling a little out of control in my home and in my family. I work out of the house and am usually gone in excess of 12 hours a day. I love my job, and wouldn't give it up for the world, but it does come at a cost. I don't get to spend much time with my family.
With that comes the lack of control in what is happening in my house. I have always been the one to make sure everyone got to all the appointment, the chores got done, the bills got paid, the groceries got purchased. I planned the dinners, washed the laundry, cleaned the closets. Now my husband is responsible for these things. Well, not the bills. That is still mine, unfortunately. He has to see the kids off to school everyday, take them to practices, get their supper ready, referee the fights. All those things I used to do.
It make me a little sad. I am the last person to hear about my children's days. I don't go to the doctor with them and hold their hands while they get a shot. I don't pick out their outfits for school, or make sure they have lunch money. My husband has that privilege now.
So that seemingly insignificant matter turns into a huge deal. Then I have my melt down, which can turn into a fight with my husband, because I yell at him if the laundry basket is not exactly where I want it. I will admit to just a slight case of OCD, Everything has a place you know.
How can we turn something so small into something so large for all the wrong reasons? Instead of realizing that I just flat out miss raising my children, I blow up over a laundry basket. I let myself feel like my home did not belong to me any more. I let myself feel unwanted and unnecessary to my family. I even went so far to ask why I should come home.
So, how do I fix this dilema? Well, I have a feeling I will be asking myself this question again in the future. I think that as working moms, we should let go a little. I know, I know. The dishes aren't going to do themselves. The laundry won't fold itself. I do remember not so long ago, my little girl sitting on top of the washer asking if she could help me put the soap in. And she loves to help me do the dishes (which usually ends up in the floor getting scrubbed-so it's a two-fer). My son is a little more challenging than that. He is 12 an doesn't like to do anything. I am not about to learn how to play basketball. One thing I do like to do with him is just a simple ride to the store, If I make him leave his headphones at home, we actually have a conversation on the way there. It is almost always about something some strange child did in school, or this teacher is not very nice. What ever...I will take what I can get at this point.
So for all you working parents out there. Relax. Enjoy these little moments. They won't be here long. Do the dishes, go for a ride. Fold the laundry. Just do it WITH your kids. Then when that is all done. Sit down and color, snuggle, whatever makes you both happy. Drop the workday at the door and step into the real world. The one with dirt on the floor and sticky stuff (what is that anyway?) in their hair. Meltdowns don't help at all.
Why is it that the smallest of things can set us off? Why do those tiny little things make us feel so out of control? I don't think I completely understood this about myself until today. Well, I probably don't understand it all, but most. Lately I have been feeling a little out of control in my home and in my family. I work out of the house and am usually gone in excess of 12 hours a day. I love my job, and wouldn't give it up for the world, but it does come at a cost. I don't get to spend much time with my family.
With that comes the lack of control in what is happening in my house. I have always been the one to make sure everyone got to all the appointment, the chores got done, the bills got paid, the groceries got purchased. I planned the dinners, washed the laundry, cleaned the closets. Now my husband is responsible for these things. Well, not the bills. That is still mine, unfortunately. He has to see the kids off to school everyday, take them to practices, get their supper ready, referee the fights. All those things I used to do.
It make me a little sad. I am the last person to hear about my children's days. I don't go to the doctor with them and hold their hands while they get a shot. I don't pick out their outfits for school, or make sure they have lunch money. My husband has that privilege now.
So that seemingly insignificant matter turns into a huge deal. Then I have my melt down, which can turn into a fight with my husband, because I yell at him if the laundry basket is not exactly where I want it. I will admit to just a slight case of OCD, Everything has a place you know.
How can we turn something so small into something so large for all the wrong reasons? Instead of realizing that I just flat out miss raising my children, I blow up over a laundry basket. I let myself feel like my home did not belong to me any more. I let myself feel unwanted and unnecessary to my family. I even went so far to ask why I should come home.
So, how do I fix this dilema? Well, I have a feeling I will be asking myself this question again in the future. I think that as working moms, we should let go a little. I know, I know. The dishes aren't going to do themselves. The laundry won't fold itself. I do remember not so long ago, my little girl sitting on top of the washer asking if she could help me put the soap in. And she loves to help me do the dishes (which usually ends up in the floor getting scrubbed-so it's a two-fer). My son is a little more challenging than that. He is 12 an doesn't like to do anything. I am not about to learn how to play basketball. One thing I do like to do with him is just a simple ride to the store, If I make him leave his headphones at home, we actually have a conversation on the way there. It is almost always about something some strange child did in school, or this teacher is not very nice. What ever...I will take what I can get at this point.
So for all you working parents out there. Relax. Enjoy these little moments. They won't be here long. Do the dishes, go for a ride. Fold the laundry. Just do it WITH your kids. Then when that is all done. Sit down and color, snuggle, whatever makes you both happy. Drop the workday at the door and step into the real world. The one with dirt on the floor and sticky stuff (what is that anyway?) in their hair. Meltdowns don't help at all.
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